Wilson Sows a Seed
by JellyBean30
Summary: Wuddy.  Parody of Dr. Seuss' Horton Hatches the Egg.  Written for the 92907 Saturday Night Challenge  the Fox Forum.


A/N: This is the story I wrote for the September 29th Saturday Night Writing Challenge at the Fox House Forum. I only used one of the prompts, which is so unlike me, but it had been a while since I did a good parody..._****_

_**Wilson Sows a Seed**_

Pairing: Wilson/Cuddy  
Rating: PG-13  
Parody: Horton Hatches the Egg by Dr. Seuss  
Prompt: Quixotic  
Warnings: My standard warning about the utter depravity of twisting Dr. Seuss into anything even remotely sexual applies.  
Disclaimer: The men in the little white coats wanted some more proof of my insanity.

Sighed Cuddy, a gal with unfertilized eggs:  
"I'm sick and I'm tired  
And I've kinks in my legs  
From sitting and working here day after day.  
This job! How I hate it!  
I'd much rather play!  
I'd take a vacation, fly off for a rest  
Maybe find someone to share some great sex!  
If I could find someone, I'd fly away soon …"  
Then Wilson, Boy Wonder, left an exam room.

"Hello!" called Doc Cuddy, smiling her best,  
"You've nothing to do and I really need sex.  
Would you like to help me fill my empty nest?"

The oncologist blushed.  
"Why, of all crazy things!  
_We_ haven't dated, _I_ haven't a ring.  
My guys and your eggs? I though we were just friends…  
I'm flattered but worried about how this will end!"

"Tut, tut," whispered Cuddy. "It soon will be fall.  
Let's sneak away now. No worries at all.  
You're just what I'm needing. You're gentle and kind.  
Come, be a good fellow. I know you won't mind."

"I can't," argued Wilson.

"PL-E-E-ASE!" begged the girl.  
"It won't take that long, sir. I give you my word.  
We'll hurry right back. Why, we'll never be missed …"

"Very well," agreed Wilson, "since you insist…  
You want copulation. We'll sneak off and have it.  
We'll work on your eggs then do tests with a rabbit.  
I'll try to be faithful. I mean what I say."  
"Whoop-di-doo!" sang out Cuddy and they snuck away.

"H-m-m-m … the first thing to do," murmured Wilson,  
"Let's think …  
The first thing to do is fix us a drink  
And make it a strong one. That _has_ to be done  
Before we get started at having some fun."

Then carefully  
Tenderly,  
Gently he kissed  
Up her neck, cross her ear till he reached her lips.

Then Wilson, oncologist, smiled "Now that's lust …"  
And he thrust  
And he thrust  
And he thrust  
And he thrust …

And he thrust all that day  
Against Cuddy's lithe form…  
And he thrust all that night  
Through an orgasm storm.  
She roared and she shuddered!  
Together they tumbled.  
"This should be more fun,"  
Poor Wilson grumbled.  
"It's killing my back  
She's still ready and wet.  
I hope that this favor isn't one I'll regret."

But Cuddy, by this time, was far beyond thought,  
Basking in afterglow from Wilson's onslaught,  
And feeling so good, from such wonderful sex,  
Decided she'd NEVER make Wilson her ex!

So Wilson kept doing her, day after day.  
And soon it was Autumn. The leaves blew away.  
And then came the Winter … the snow and the sleet!  
And Wilson did not  
Sleep between Cuddy's sheets.  
But Wilson kept screwing and said with a yawn,  
"I'll get to her eggs no matter how long.  
I meant what I said  
And I said what I meant….  
A Wilson is faithful  
One hundred percent!"

So dear Wilson screwed her  
All winter he pleased…  
And then came the springtime  
And with greatest of ease  
House figured it out and teased him like mad.  
"Look, Wilson Boy Wonder is trying to play dad.  
Trust Cuddy to ask you, Captain _**QUIXOTIC  
**_Enjoying your play time with Madame Erotic?"  
House winked at the nurses walking away  
And Wilson was tempted, he wanted to play.  
But he shook his head no and then heard House say:  
"He meant what he said  
And he said what he meant…  
But a Wilson is faithful  
Maybe ninety percent."

"No matter what happens  
I will not be tempted!"

But poor Wilson's troubles  
Were far, far from ended.  
For while Wilson waited  
To blow Cuddy's mind,  
_Three lab techs came sneaking  
__Up softly behind!  
_He heard their heels clicking!  
He turned with a start!  
_Six breasts were aiming  
__Right straight at his …pants!_

Did he cave?  
_He did not.  
_Wilson liked Cuddy best!  
He hung his head low  
And he looked at the lab techs  
And managed to say:  
"You know how this pains me  
Please go away!  
I meant what I said  
And I said what I meant….  
I will remain faithful  
One hundred percent!"

But the techs didn't leave!  
Much to Wilson's surprise,  
The pushed out their breasts  
He averted his eyes!  
"Look," Cuddy shouted,  
"I think he likes me.  
A faithful Wilson I never thought I'd see…"

"It's strange! It's amazing! It's wonderful! New!  
Don't tease him! I'll love him! That's just what I'll do!  
I'll take him away! Somewhere perfectly sunny!  
I'll love him so fiercely I'll make him my honey!"

And the first thing he knew, she had packed him a suitcase  
And drove to the airport to find a relaxed place.  
As she boarded the plane, Wilson by her side  
Cuddy leaned back in her seat and she sighed.  
"We're off," Wilson said. And away the plane went  
With both of them grinning, one hundred percent.

Up out of the city! Up into the sky!  
Up over the mountains ten thousand feet high!  
Beyond the tall mountains  
And down to the beach  
Where email and cell phones  
And beepers can't reach…

There by the sea shore  
With the sounds of the surf  
Did Wilson and Cuddy  
Make love that moved earth.  
Rolling and writhing and splashed with the spray!  
And Wilson said, day after day after day,  
"I meant what I said  
And I said what I meant …  
I'll make you a mommy  
One hundred percent!"

After playing and sunning two weeks by the sea  
Wilson and Cuddy returned to New Jersey.  
"We're back," Cuddy stated  
To her assistant  
And Wilson checked to see  
If House had missed him.  
Checking her calendar for items forgotten,  
"Damn!"  
Cuddy shouted!  
Conventions! How rotten!

Dratted conventions, day after day  
Cuddy missed Wilson so far away.  
She visited Boston and Kalamazoo,  
Chicago, Weehawken and Washington, too;  
And Dayton, Ohio; St. Paul, Minnesota;  
And Wichita, Kansas and Drake, North Dakota.  
And every day phone calls and emails and texts  
Helped Cuddy and Wilson get by without sex.  
Poor Wilson grew sadder the farther she went,  
Despite all the nurses that House his way sent.  
"I meant what I said  
And I said what I meant…  
Stop taunting me House, I will not relent!"

Then … ONE DAY  
The convention happened to reach  
A town way down south, not so far from the beach  
Where Wilson Cuddy had played and relaxed  
Far from their offices, without even a fax.  
Cuddy sighed thinking how she wished to see Wilson  
She looked in her book and said "I don't have to miss him."  
She whipped out her cell and the airline she phoned  
Then her dear Wilson with "I'll soon be home."

As she flew through the clouds  
She again checked her book  
"Oh my …" Cuddy breathed  
And her hands and heart shook.

Poor Wilson was worried, Cuddy's face white as chalk  
He started to speak, but before he could talk…

There rang out the noisiest ear-splitting squeaks  
From the gal he'd been lovin' for fifty-one weeks!  
And jumping and squeeing and shining tears flowing!

"My egg!" shouted Cuddy. "My egg! WHY, IT'S GROWING!"  
"Are you sure?" questioned Wilson, as Cuddy she clapped.  
Now it was done, oh how should he act?  
"Yes I'm sure," Cuddy said. "These tests are mine."  
She handed him tests with a positive sign.

And Wilson sat down  
Without making a sound …

But at that very instant, the news was spread 'round!  
Out of the shadows where tall, cane-users dwell  
House emerged slowly, he'd heard everything well.  
_Cuddy and Wilson to be mom and dad!  
_HAPPIEST NEWS  
PPTH   
EVER HAD!

And the staff all came shouting, "_What's all this about?"  
_House told! And they stared with their eyes popping out!  
Then they cheered and they _cheered_ and they CHEERED more and more.  
_They'd never heard anything so good before!  
_"My goodness! My gracious!" they shouted. "CONGRATS!"  
"Oh god, Wuddy babies," House whined. "Little brats!"

And it should be, it _should _be, it SHOULD be like that!  
Because Wilson was faithful, despite House's crap!  
Cuddy heard what he said  
Wilson said what he meant…

…And the two went home  
Happy,  
One hundred percent!


End file.
